Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Horny Harvey and Steamy Beastiality

My first taste of steamy hot beastiality took place at the home of archaeologist Ann Cyphers on the very site where humans first tasted steamy hot chocolate. I probably need to explain that statement. Near Texistepec, Veracruz, Mexico lie the ruins of the first city in the Americas, where Olmec shamanic leaders drank cocoa then smashed their cups to dedicate the settlement. That party made history.

The domestication of wild grass into corn allowed humans to live in big farming clusters rather than small hunting bands, so they could have spousal options other than their cousins and devote themselves to art, literature, or philosophy, plus calling the hunters hicks, primitives, or deplorables. All the cool people ate corn. Thus, these trendy cosmopolitans gathered together for sacrificing infants and imbibing stimulants, much like a John Podesta and Marina Abramovic party.

Of course, I'd told my hot brown sugar before this excursion that we'd visit the sacred birthplace of chocolate, not an old archaeological zone (boring!) or beastiality zone (disgusting!). Still, she was totally into the wild animal perversion. Despite the dry stillness of the stone Olmec sculpture of a jaguar having sex with a corn goddess, we gasped in awe at the locomotive thrusting of the male haunches and the moist fertility of the female soil receiving the seed. This wasn't New York. Despite their technological advancements (inventing the aqueduct and possibly the compass), the Olmecs remained sufficiently in contact with nature to remember the difference between genders and even value the best orgasms over the latest iphones.

Consider some harsh reality. Americans are learning that unmasculine men like Roman Polanski, Woody Allen, Ben Affleck, Casey Affleck, Harvey Weinstein, and Kevin Spacey can be just as threatening to young and innocent and vulnerable people as normal men are to old, bitter, traumatized feminists. Let that sink in. Do we prefer to guard the safety of the pure or the feelings of the warped? Fully developed men only desire sex with fully developed women who desire them. Since Hollywood relishes perversion, why not dabble in a bit of Olmec beastiality to discover that gender equality doesn't mean gender uniformity and that nature offers us a divine primal blueprint for living with ethics and gusto.

The secret of life is available to those who seek it. If a pilgrimage to the Olmec and Mayan homeland doesn't fit your agenda this year, but you'd like to escape the media insanity for the wisdom of the cosmos, put my forthcoming work Primeval Woods & Primordial Stones on your reading list. You can learn more about it here. Then next time some actor or politician claims to have a better plan for the future than the one laid into the foundation of the world at the dawn of creation, invite them to explore the ultimate sexual perversion / contortion by fucking themselves. Oh yeah, Hollywood and Washington D.C. screwing themselves for a change - the image is getting me so hot. Gotta go!

Friday, October 27, 2017

Wanted: University Teachers and Aspiring Authors

My university in Oaxaca, Mexico is seeking to expand its fine communication department by hiring two new instructors for February of 2018. This is one of the most secure and rewarding teaching opportunities in all Latin America. The main responsiblity is equipping warm, funny, and humble students with English communication skills during three one-hour classes each weekday. Our instructors are allowed to use the rest of their workday authoring travel stories and magazine articles. Teachers are assisted in getting their work published and are provided an office on our lovely campus to inspire their maximum creativity.

Monday, September 25, 2017

Stephen King Gets IT Right

The new film version of Stephen King's novel It captivates viewers with adorable children and horrible apparitions, but the real demons that torment kids are clearly identified, despite the cryptic title. The spawn from hell are broken dysfunctional families (and they are legion). Russian novelist Leo Tolstoy put it thus: "All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

Thursday, September 7, 2017

Washing the Blood Off My Hands

I've had blood on my hands twice in 24 hours. I was dining last night with author Rick Skwiot in a Brazilian churrascaria when the first blood spilled. We were just finishing our salads. I dipped broccoli, carrots, tomatoes and mushrooms in succulent olive oil swirled with balsamic vinegar, which looked like the separated red cells and plasma that flowed from the spear piercing of the crucified Jesus. Rick queried about the wine list for more sangre de cristo, but they offered only Sangre de Toro. Not good enough to wash away sins, but good enough to wash away the memory of sins.

Monday, July 31, 2017

Curvaceous Rides and Straight Razors

We weave and whirl amidst shaggy green mountains. Fern-draped springs cascade on the left and bottomless cliffs drop off on the right. We’re flung back and forth. A gray squiggle highway ascends the knobby spine of the Americas through dense Sierra Norte wilderness. Our van abruptly halts.

Friday, July 7, 2017

Exploring a Jungle Devoid of Wild Animals

Nothing smells as fresh and fertile as cool rain in the jungle - except for my woman, but we are not discussing her right now. Dripping and cascading from every direction, rinsing and polishing the leaves to a shiny vibrant green from the treetops downward. A rainforest canopy is Doctor God's version of an oxygen tent. I'm a lucky permanent resident in this sanitarium.

Friday, June 30, 2017

A Declaration of Liberating Dependence

Since no man is an island entire of itself, the July 4th American Declaration of Independence cannot have been absolute, but rather declared a certain type of independence that people must understand correctly to ever celebrate correctly. Beer and BBQ ain't near enough. Like my mother's ancestor Benjamin Franklin, I've thrown in my lot with uncouth savages in a brave new world (the Mexican jungle), so I know a little about giving up refined society for liberty and I want to help others have a bold American heart regardless of where your butt may currently reside. Can ya dig it?

Friday, June 16, 2017

Maybe America Should Just Divorce

California and New York (or Sodom and Gomorrah as they're called by their Christian names) are a different world from middle America, and it may be time for the barely united states to divorce over irreconcilable differences. This could be a good thing. I'll never forget the day a Bible belt woman told me that she didn't know where I could find a pub and wouldn't help me locate the devil's brew if she did. Okay, sorry I asked. Nor the night when a festival crowd in my native California glared at me as an irredeemable hater, because I softly declined a transgender's bullying insistence to dance. Unity isn't always desirable or possible.

Thursday, May 18, 2017

Next Book: Primeval Woods & Primordial Stones

A crocodile thrashes beneath me. The squawking and dripping of the rainforest where Mel Gibson filmed Apocalypto and Sean Connery filmed Medicine Man surround three sides of my cozy wood cabin that overhangs a lily-choked shore and overlooks a mist-shrouded isle broadcasting monkey chatter across the glassy lake. It’s Christmas in the jungle. The lush fertility extends to a curvaceous young form peacefully dozing under the blanket beside me and deeply inhaling from the cool oxygenated air. I recall a perfect day.