Monday, March 13, 2017

Kong Is Still The King

Kong: Skull Island allows cinema chair travelers to escape the urban jungle for that more authentic kind. A cliche storyline of explorers venturing deep onto an uncharted island doesn't rain on the fun of this neo-primal rainforest experience. The casting of Samuel L. Jackson, Tom Hiddleston, Brie Larson, Tian Jing, and John Goodman offers a pleasurable balance of both action and characters.

While a character named Conrad clearly alludes to the Heart of Darkness author, this film is light hearted. The timeless message of the novella that civilization is little more civilized than our savage ancestral roots merely whispers behind the grunting and gunfire.

You might say this new "apocalypse then" is like that old Apocalypse Now, but less politico and more gonzo. Though a gigantic CGI water buffalo cannot match the acting heft of Marlon Brando, it does approximate the heft of his later-life girth and offers an equally menacing foe.

While the action and effects are engaging, Hollywood so seldom provides simple mindless entertainment without injecting mindless simpleton nonsense. Asian actress Tian Jing lets the producers check the diversity box, but they only allow her to look pretty and be silent. Meanwhile, Euro babe Brie Larson stomps around in combat boots with tank tops, thrusting her ample breasts and sticking her nosey nose everywhere to scold bad boys who only want to make enemies, kill creatures, and destroy nature. Journalists, scientists, and women care; executives, soldiers, and men don't. Is everyone totally clear on today's moral lecture from Professor Tinseltown? Good. Maybe the mentally-unstable but morally-incorruptible sages of Malibu will grace us with further pearls of wisdom during summer blockbuster season.

Did I like the film? How could I not? Like myriad things, rampaging gorillas make my Mexican woman horny, so I can't really lose shelling out a few pesos for a bunch of besos. Was it a good film? Gimme a break. It's a movie about a giant ape - what do you want me to say? Sheeesh!

Monday, March 6, 2017

I Officially Declare Myself A Woman

In my long and masculine life, I never considered identifying as a woman - until now. Yet, I'm sure of my decision. In fact, I wish this option had existed in the oppressive days of my youth. Let me explain. If I had been given a chance to live as a chick in high school, I wouldn't have begged cheerleaders to give me the time of day. In the locker room, I'd simply have asked them to pass me the soap. Plus, with me in the shower, those budding babes wouldn't have had to wonder about where they could hang the towels.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Don't Cover Up Marine Le Pen

A Muslim leader refuses to meet with French politico Marine Le Pen unless she wears a headscarf. A Mormon friend of mine won't dine with people who order beer. Some gays demand Catholic caterers plan their wedding. Many feminists insist Protestant taxpayers must fund their abortion.

In a globalized world, tribes and faiths must intermingle. For everyone to have the right to live their moral convictions, nobody can have the right to make others do so. I prefer that all women who meet with me wear the neckline shown on young Le Pen in this photo.

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Hollywood's Great Wall and Great Gall

Matt Damon's latest film offers both epic ambition and epic hypocrisy. This movie seeks global profit by teasing the Asian market with local lore (China's wall) and an American audience with local controversy (Trump's wall). Yet, it still condemns profit seeking. To do this, it descends into politically-correct racism (Asians are loving collectivists while Europeans are greedy individualists) and even some contradictory old-school racism (said utopic society still can't defend itself without the brilliance, courage, and technology of white savior Damon). Plus, all this is from critically respected director Zhang Yimou.

Friday, January 27, 2017

Illegal Migration Is NOT Compassion

Lovely eight-year-old Neftaly had no idea she’d been delivered into the hands of her rapist by what American politicians call a more compassionate immigration policy. It wouldn’t have mattered much to her. Yet, Neftaly’s story is not unusual in Mexico, so it should matter a lot to Americans who support such policy. She was orphaned at age five, then various distant relatives grudgingly agreed to take her in - as long as she washed the dishes. She became more accustomed to fear and rejection than love. When an uncle she’d never met showed her a bedroom and told her to undress for bed, she tried once again to muster more hope than fear. Sadly, it would be many years after that night before she looked at the world with trust and hope again.

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Back When I Was Homeless

Life at the mobile home park: not bad for a starter home
Believe it or not, Lyn's fondest life memories include a very brief homeless stint. Allow me to fully elucidate. Ages ago, your author arrived in Canada to work as a communication executive. The first weekend, I purchased a luxury SUV to use in my prestigious and lucrative new career. As I drove away, the salesman yelled something that sounded like "You need to go see AC/DC on Monday." Despite my passion for the Australian band, I hadn't heard of their concert and couldn't understand the urgency in his voice.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Write Beyond Sensitivity Police Jurisdiction

North Americans often assert they want to learn from other cultures, but travel writing is still expected to fit into the politically correct box of ideas that don’t shock sensibilities. This is contradiction. Authentic travel writing must journey outside that box, both to accurately report culture and to protect the free speech rights authors and readers depend on.

A recent study suggests that North American children are developing more allergies to certain foods because of protection from exposure during the years when immunities develop. Likewise, political correctness has shielded North Americans from encountering a rich diversity of global perspectives that conventional media deem offensive to their sensitivities.

Saturday, December 31, 2016

The Snowden Job of Oliver Stoned

When you call someone an America-loathing communist, it's usually hyperbolic insult, but with director Oliver Stone, it's his official job title. Still, his latest film Snowden has great merit. So, let's admit the virtues before we cast stones at Stone. Let's weigh the evidence before we commence any executions.

Friday, December 16, 2016

Mother Superior Inspires Author Superior

When I wrote about my mother's death, I never expected the story to be chosen as one of the best nonfiction works of the last twenty years. It's truly a moving honor. Of course, she was one of the best mothers ever, so that's the real accomplishment in all this. I want to thank Eclectica Magazine. Their anthology of the best nonfiction is now available at your favorite bookstore or here. I'm excited to get my copy. Since it has been mailed during the holiday season and is later to be entrusted to the Mexican postal service, only a Christmas miracle arranged by mom's heavenly intercession can possibly result in its arrival at the doorstep of this prodigal son.